Socially Awkward

For my day job, I regularly pass the entrance gate at one of our German car manufacturers. Since I’m there almost every day, most of the plant security staff knows who I am and they usually just let me pass. Most of them. But there are a few who are always up for a quick chat before they open the gates for me to drive through. Nothing important. Small talk. “How is it going?" Just answering this question usually isn’t enough or expected. After answering with a one-worder, this entire conversation comes to an abrupt halt followed by a couple of seconds of awkward silence, that actually feel like minutes. This makes me feel very uneasy.

On other occasions, I have decided not to walk into a cafeteria because I have already seen from the outside that there were way to many people inside. Even worse, sometimes I don’t even try to find a parking spot when I see that there are to many human beings.

I don’t know what causes this anxiety. I have never expierenced anything bad among people; I was never really offended or threatened.

I recently listened to CGP Grey on Hello Internet episode 46 where he mentioned, that at one point he had to enter a building with a concierge regularly and that he would’ve been happy to pay this guy upfront a significant amount of money just to avoid the regular “How’s it going, Mr Grey?".

Boy, can I resonate with this.

I wrote this a while back and it doesn’t reflect my current job situation anymore.